To the girl I never got to meet.
You cross my mind every day.
I wonder what you would be like and how different life could have been.
Would you have played sports? Would you have gone pro in the sport you fell in love with? Would you have been able to drive your sister around? Would you have been more extroverted, adventurous, and spontaneous? Would you still have the passion to help others? Would you have moved away from home or traveled more? Would you have become friends with the same people?
Would you still be the same person, or would you be someone completely different?
I’ll probably never know the answers to these questions, and part of me is okay with that, but I think there will always be a part of me that wishes I could live the life you might have had.
Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to get out of bed in the morning without thinking twice about it. To have relaxed muscles. To feel my feet touch the floor and feel the weight through my legs. To be spontaneous. To get in the car and go wherever I want without planning the whole day in advance.
There are so many little things I’ll never know.
And sometimes, I grieve that.
But then I look at the life I do have.
Experiences and friendships I wouldn’t trade for the world. The strongest support system. A drive and ambition that is unmatched. A “prove them wrong” or “screw it, let’s do it” attitude. A completely different perspective on life. A heart that wants to help others. A strength I didn’t know I had.
Cerebral palsy has changed my life in ways I never asked for. It has taken things from me that I wish I could have had, and I think a part of me will always grieve those things.
But it has also given me a life I’m incredibly proud of.
So maybe I’ll always wonder about the girl I never got to meet—a girl I’ll always love and hope I’ll meet someday, either earthside or in the clouds.
I see you in me when my body listens to me, when I feel completely relaxed, when I accomplish something I never thought I could, or when I do something without falling.
You peek out when I need you most.
But until then, I’m learning to love the girl I became, too.
Happy World Cerebral Palsy Day. 🫶🏻💚